Crispy Freestyle
(Not work-safe, windows media file. But oh so funny. In a scary way.)
Lyrics transcibed by Keith
CRISPY FREESTYLE
[INTRODUCTION]
Meet me, meet me, meet me, meet me,
Meet me, don’t beat me.
Just meet me at the waffle house–I’m a mouse, from Ecuador,
You’re a duck and you’re a ducky whore.
You like to suck duck dick all day,
I like to suck mouse dick all day too,
but that don’t mean I am a Jew.
I am a rat bastard, and I’m a rapper
that’s a crapper,
I don’t like to rap too much because I know I can’t do it,
but you know what? My rhymes are fluid, so I don’t wanna not,
[HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN]
I just wanna give you a pizza pie and say “That’s Amore”,
that’s a whore-ay, suck my dick all in its glor-ay,
it’s only three inches but that’s ok,
you can fit it in your throat piece,
and you don’t have to worry about anything,
it’s a nice little tiny package, and you know what?
It’s all yours–for the small price of twenty-nine, ninety-nine,
So let’s go do some lines or we can not do drugs,
and we can just chill out with my thugs
from Westchester the best-chester.
We got all the honkies in the world,
we like to take little girls
on the Zone Coaster
and then put ’em in the toaster,
until they’re nice and brown.
Until they hear the nice sound
of me rhymin’, on-timin’,
I say I want the diamonds,
I want the ducats, I want the buckets,
[HIS ABUSIVE HOME LIFE]
I wanna just say “Fuck it,
Mom! I don’t wanna go to bed,
let me stay up another hour,
I’ll take a shower in the morning before I go to school.
Momma why you such a fool. Why you gotta play me?”
I ain’t gay, g. But my dad is,
that’s why he likes to fuck with other men,
that’s why looks like a little hen,
that’s why he likes to fuck and say he knows about yen,
but he’s never been to Japan,
so take a frying pan and slap me with it.
Man, that’s what you wanna do, I know it,
I learned it from you, Dad. I learned it from you.
That’s why I do this. That’s why I drink Chris(?),
that’s why I drink piss from old businessmen,
when they piss in my mouth, and they treat me like you,
Dad. Like you, you, you.
I wanna be a Jew, like Sammy Davis Jr.
Oh my God, I’m like Junior Mints.
Let’s talk about that for a second.
Vote for our fuckin’ record
I wanna eat butter pecans and
I wanna change my name to Sam the Man,
and I want a golden ham for my birthday.
Daddy I want the golden goose,
Daddy I want a golden moose,
Daddy I want you to nail me in the caboose
with your fuckin’ cock so,
[HIS LINGUISTIC PROWESS]
I wanna ronso Oh ronso, I hate you ronso,
I hate when I make up new words,
but I don’t hate when I make up new birds.
That’s a flying pickle-nu-nu-nu-nu,
that’s a flying pluka-laka-laka,
oh new birds I love thee,
Oh I love money, and I love Sunny D,
fuck the grape stuff or the purple stuff or the nurple stuff.
I just want the orange stuff,
I want the white stuff in my hair,
I don’t use nair on my back,
but I’m a monkey and I get funky.
And I’m a junky but that’s soooo… gravy.
Money train I get insane
muthafucka from New York come with it,
while I spin it, while I get with,
I’ll fuck it up, fuck it up, fuck it up, for you,
for you and your crew, and I’ll just say it’s so greasy, easy.
I like peasy, it’s a funny word.
I like funny words. I like funny words.
Amen.
Want more of this crap? Check out Angry Naked Pat
.