About a year and a half ago, my wife and I decided that we were making far too much money, and it was time for us to start trying to have a kid. To be honest, when we first made this grand decision, we didn’t really know what we were doing. I don’t mean in terms of the actual mechanics; we’re pretty good at that. No, in terms of knowing *when* to insert tab A into slot B, etc.
Needless to say, our tab-insertion has not been exactly successful as of yet. Late last summer, the decision was made to consult some specialists. You know, call in the big guns – get modern science involved to solve our problems. That’s how we roll in the Stratton household – why try to do something yourself when you can pay someone else to figure it out for you?
I’m not going to go into all the nitty-gritty details – suffice it to say that I know what Clomid is (even though I did have to use Google to figure out how to spell it), and I’ve stuck more needles in my wife than Sid ever did Nancy. And yes, Carrie and I did have the “we’re so mad at each other we’re not even speaking, but dammit, we have to have sex” situation at least once. These are good times, people. The times that never make it into a photo album or scrapbook.
The good news is, we have had a lot of tests done. The good news is, we know exactly why we’re not getting pregnant. The reason?
Yup. On paper, there’s no reason that we shouldn’t be pumping kids out like a unicorn expels glitter from its hindquarters. We just aren’t. Science and medicine have let us down in the diagnostic arena.
That’s not to say that we’ve turned our backs on science. Our processes and experiments have continued.
Two weeks ago we had our fourth IUI. For those of you who aren’t up on the lingo, that’s the process that used to be called “artificial insemination”. They don’t call it that anymore because too many women were showing up and being confused that they didn’t get to bang robots. So now it’s called IUI, or intrauterine insemination. Again, the specifics are going to be glossed over, but let’s just say that I can speak with authority on the type and quantity of adult literature available at the Fertility Centers of Illinois office.
We will be getting the results of this latest procedure later this week. I will warn you now – do NOT ask either of the results. We’ll let you know when the time is right, either way. But please – think positive thoughts for us. It’s going to be a stressful week.
As it always is. But here’s hoping that it’s the last day we’ll have to go through that.