Confidential to Brian C

Out of everything on the list I’ve only had the displeasure of eating wax bottles and jawbreakers, probably because they came with goody bags from childhood parties and kids will eat anything artificially colored and borderline toxic as long as it’s sweet (me being one of these kids). I distinctly remember chewing on a wax bottle, feeling perplexed because it was missing a property of food that I tend to hold in high regard—that is, digestibility—and then spitting it out, thinking that it would only be worth biting through the inconvenient wax receptacle if the liquid inside were some kind of serum that gave you superpowers or increased brain functionality, which it did not. If anything, it may have lowered my brain activity.